Life is same all over again....

When life had finally found a reason to cherish, when I thought life was about to change, it came back to be the same all over again. It so made me realize that some things in life never change. Some or the other circumstances make you realize that you are still at the same point where you had begun. I don't know if I should learn something out of it or not.

One thing which I had felt is whatever I wanted so badly in life, I never got, sometimes being so close to it. But yeah, I get to taste the essence of every opportunity, but not the whole. In that case, I don't know what really to feel, how to react, how to deal with myself. I laugh, cry, hate and pity at myself.

But I still look forward with hope, with joy, keeping the past in far corner of the mind and living the present. I believe it makes the future better. There will be a moment to cherish again in life, it will change some fair day. But I have to make sure that it will not take a full round and come back over again.

That is why it is said, nothing lasts forever, everything fades away. So, you need to just MOVE ON.

'loneliness'

this loneliness
sometimes like peace
sometimes at war
lonely as the moon
and as the sun
all alone in the sky
in the light
and in the darkness
like a hollow trunk
nothing in mind
and in heart
no words, no emotions
no one to listen
no one to speak
empty all over
this emptiness
like abandoned shell
only cavity
no life, no love
abandoned in the desert
or in the island
of nothingness
not the end
nor the beginning
nowhere to go
nothing to explore
but nothing known
no hope, no light
only darkness inside...........

a ray of hope
across the end
near than infinity
its almost there
the light
the peace
something to fill
this emptiness
the color, the smell
the feel, the sound
a slight warmth
a sudden joy
some pain, some cry
a lot like life
like flowers to
cover arid garden
like rain to
sprinkle dry land
like love to
heal broken heart.............

again the cloud
like pitch black
coming from nowhere
to almost everywhere
again the fading of
all the light
dimming of
all the voice
tears all gone
pain vanished
no feel, no smell
all vaccum again
all hollow again
the clouds
of loneliness
of emptiness
covering all over
no life
flowers withered
rain dried
love lost
heart broken
loneliness
emptiness...................

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps"

The majors and minors have always haunted me in my dreams. The lust for music has only become a dream for me. Whenever I play a chord in my guitar,I have a determination (doubtful) of mastering the instrument one day. Years have passed since I bought my guitar for couple of thousand bucks. Still I am working on my C minor. Over this time, I have understood that having a guitar (or any other thing of interest in that case) does not make you a guitarist. Being a great fan of good music has always tickled me in playing many instruments. But it's always like "Jack of all and master of none". First arise interest in many things out of haste, and slowly lose them, this is what really happens.

When I see my guitar lying on a small space between the bed and the wall, I feel I had done injustice to it. I bought the guitar with the determination of practising it till perfection. Playing good seems a long way, perfection is out of sight. The enthusiasm of playing the guitar has faded away through course of time. When I listen to some of my favourite tracks, I hold the guitar and try to give it false impressions of playing it. That time I feel nutcracked, I still cannot play the C minor. Had I have a real interest in playing guitar, I would have, at least till now, performed with a band (in the institute). But should I say it the lack of ability or interest, i only end up playing small scribbles of tabulatures (that doesn't contain C minor), and my guitar gently weeps.

One Day Something

Waking up in the morning is tiresome, especially if its January and you have to go to lab classes at 8. Somehow as the vibration of the alarm set in mobile create panic in morning dream, you just cannot believe that the 6 hour sleep has just been over. "...hey man, how did the time move so fast...I was just asleep......" it is 7:30 in the watch. Opening the door of the room and letting the chill of the environment to enter the room warns about frozen hands and feet and shivering body while hurrying on the bicycle to reach lab classes. "..oh god, again the same shit of white Timberland jacket I have to wear, what a crap.." thinking about wearing the same jacket for whole winter gives a "what do people say" kind of impression. Thinking about the morning lab, especially DSP, makes getting ready more complex. "...bullshit piece of lab, we are no jobless people.." . The morning goes more horrifying after seeing a long queue in the dining hall for breakfast. "..wtf..not again...." as it is already 5 past 8 in the watch, there is no more time to wait for the food....alas, empty stomach again.

The DSP lab is a menace. with more than 60% of the PCs not working, we are said to bring our laptops for some bullshit programs to do in MATLAB. But most of the time pass away yawning and looking at watch to strike 11. At 10, enters the prof, throwing a killer glance at us. "..here comes the idiot..." I have bitter experiences with him. After taking the attendance , he says about our job to perform in the lab "...you should get the real feeling of this after doing this program...." as if we are supposed to fall in love with the signals. Then there he leaves after 10 minutes "...good riddance...". Lab over...

Walking the way towards the main building to attend the elective class reduces some laziness out of the body. Learning Indian Society and Development sounds very boring "....caste system my foot..its modern world dude..." but the way of delivering the lecture of the professor in unusual accent and weird pronunciation produces gags in the class, and that is what makes it interesting in a way "....finally caste system is over today...lol...".

One hour of lunch time...back to hostel with still empty stomach and directly to dining hall "....damn hungry man...." but looking at the lunch suddenly fills the stomach. Just a heap of carbs and fats and nothing else. But still few spoon of the shit-food goes inside the mouth "....the big bellied fatty deserves a beating..asshole...." murmuring some words to self about the cook gives some comfort to heart. For sake of stomach, the tongue gets punishment everyday.

After the morning spoilers, here start the theory classes which can spoil the whole day. "....three hours of another menace...." it is too boring ...too boring to be mentioned here.. so directly classes over..."...hey! that sounds good..perhaps these times can be skipped everyday like this..."
Returning back to hostel again makes you feel better, as if you have returned from the batteling field. "...ohh what a day it was..." Then starts the usual hostel life, starting with switching the laptop on, checking whether the internet is there or not and checking emails. If net is there, then the evening as well as night is fixed in front of lappy. If not, then visit backpost at mausa's chai shop for tea and other stuffs (not to mention). "....backpost is a heaven..." .

Going back to the room "...my paradise..." and sometimes friend's room "...chee..what a mess..."accounts for the remaining evening . The night is fully devoted to lappy and the world of internet and movies. "....dc++ zindabad....". Not to forget the same heap of carbs and fats in the name of dinner again..."...yuck!!...".
After doing enough (really enough) of lappy work, "...it's really tiresome now...omg its already 2...." time to sleep. The eventful body of the day finally goes to some peace for some hours again to prepare itself for another day...."....please god..cancel the lab tomorrow....power failure...please...power failure...powe...pow....zzzzzz...."